Never, in a million years, did I think that it wold be so tough. Yes, I was prepared that childbearing is going to be this much of a commitment and responsibility, but I didn’t thought that I would be so alone in it.
I had both of my kids in a little more than a year apart (14 months to be exact), everyone was going by their business and I didn’t expect much help from others, after all, the babies were still too young an very dependent of their mother. T
hen it all happened; within a year after my second child was born my sister and my mother moved to another country and 6 months later i separated from the father of my children. Soon after, he moved to another country as well. Not that I missed him – he was one of those daddies that abandon the ship which got caught in a storm. I guess he couldn’t handle the pressure and responsibility.
For the last 4 years everything revolves around them and, to sum it up, I just want some alone time. I want to go to the beach by myself, I want to swim and sunbathe not worrying what trouble my kids are going to do next, did I bring everything we might going to need, are they safe,are there any potential danger to them, are they hungry/thirsty/peed themselves/fighting/running away/jumping of a cliff/… You know what I mean.
I would like to go for a walk, watch a movie, go to a cafe without constantly worrying and looking for them. I would like to go grocery shopping by myself so I don’t have to run around chasing them, or begging them to “please get up from the floor and walk,” or handling tantrums while everyone is watching me and judging. I would even like to go to my dentist to fix this damn tooth because it’s killing me for 3 weeks already.
But I can’t. Because I am tired of constantly asking for someone to babysit them while I do a couple of errands.
To tell you the truth, I can’t wait for them to grow up so I could get some of that long lost freedom. I can’t wait to be thirty-something. Everyone says “Don’t say that you don’t mean it, enjoy your youth.”
I know that someday I will miss these days, because my kids will grow up and they won’t need me anymore, but today isn’t the day.